this is me, kiki
Welcome, and thanks for visiting! That’s me in the crocheted technicolor hooded coat. And yes, that cloak is one of my creations. I call it my Aurora Boréalis Coat, after the pattern Boréal Coat by Sylvie Damey. You can find it on Ravelry.
I love to crochet. I first learned from my paternal grandmother when I was a teenager. Long after she had passed on, I was inspired to pick up a hook again, but realized that I’d lost the knack of it. So, I retaught myself via YouTube. The videos were especially helpful given that I am left-handed. Thank you left-handed “CrocheTubers;” your tutorials were game changers for me!1
Anyway, I’m sure I’ll share more about crochet at some point in this blog, among other topics.
But for now, an intro:
Kiki is the nickname my sisters gave me when they were little. My pronouns are I, she, her, hers… also they and them… or shey—rhymes with they. Many indigenous languages across the globe do not have gendered pronouns for human—and other-than-human—beings. Many cultures also consider all beings kin to one another. Therefore, my use of nonbinary pronouns is one of the ways that I honor my kinship with all of creation.2 All my relations.
I live within the unceded territories of the Pocumtuc and Nipmuc Nations and the Nations of the Wabanaki Confederacy (i.e, The Dawnland or Ndakinna). I have been studying the Western Abenaki language since the fall season of 2022. How I got to studying Abenaki is a long story that I’ll tell in another post, but for now suffice it to say that it is important, to me, to learn a language of the land with which I live. Western Abenaki is a language that the land of this area has heard for thousands of years, and thankfully it’s being revitalized, along with many, many others. To me, it feels just as important for the land to hear its languages, as it is for the people of the land to have their language back. Please note: This is my personal perspective, as a person who struggles to reconnect with my own indigenous heritages. More on that later, too (I’ll link to the post when it’s live). Learning and speaking a language that is local to this place and continent is a way for me to connect and to honor the original peoples of the place where I live.
I am mama to a teenager, a wife/partner, a daughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin, an aunt, a student, a teacher, and a friend. I am a granddaughter to ancestors upon ancestors, a few of whom I’ve had the blessing to know during in my lifetime.
This ancestry—the story of my ancestors and of how I came to be—connects me to four continents (and then some). My roots come from west and south central Africa, eastern South America (Brazil), southeastern North America, and northwestern Europe.
Most of my ancestors descend from Africans who were stolen from their lands, enslaved, and racialized (monolithically) as Black. My DNA suggests that these ancestors hailed from at least eight different geographic, cultural, and linguistic regions.
I am also a great great (and great+++) grandchild of those whose lands were stolen from them, as well as of those who did the enslaving, stealing and racializing. It’s a complicated history, in all senses of the word, and a puzzle I have been working to make sense of for decades.
I am a storyteller by nature and an historian by training. I am a free associator who is prone to making random references and mixing metaphors.
I am fascinated by how things came to be. I’m that kid who thinks the deep thoughts and likes to ask “Why?”
I am curious about placemaking, about how people develop connections to places (or don’t), and how culture and language play a role.
I think a lot about how the dominant culture of “modern” (US/”western”/”global”/fifteenth through twenty-first century) society shaped and shapes our relationship to the land, and creation, and each other.
I think a lot about what this all means.
I think about etymology and how the words we use reflect cultural attitudes.
I think about other ways to be and exist in the world.
This blog is where I plan to share all that thinking, or as much of it as I can get out of my head in a coherent form.
This blog is an invitation for you to come walk with me.
Journey with me as I share my explorations and reflections.
I write in the hope that my words will resonate with some readers, or at least that they add another data point to the mix.
It is my intention to be open and honest and real, to share my voice, my truth, my perspective.
I believe that we each—each person, each being or entity across time and space—hold an Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.3 And, since it’s impossible to access All the Answers, the best and most important thing we can do is share with each other, and expose ourselves to, as many Answers as possible. An asymptotic, yet I feel crucial, endeavor.4 The more perspectives we recognize and respect, the better off we’ll be, the more whole and balanced we’ll become, as people, as communities, as societies.
Or, to put it another way:5
I’m posting my thoughts and ideas here because, plain and simple, I feel the urge to do so.
Even if no one reads my words or gels with them, I feel called to write and share.
I’ve been wanting to start a blog for years, decades even, and tried numerous times to get one off the ground. However, every time something held me back. I was afraid to share. I cared too much what people would think, cared that people wouldn’t like what I had to say or would think it silly, or redundant, or irrelevant—or worst—boring.
But the thing is, and this is something it took me a loooooong time to realize, in the final analysis, it doesn’t effing matter if no one reads it, or if someone, or even EVERYONE, thinks it’s silly, or redundant, or irrelevant, or, yup, BORING.
Why doesn’t it matter? Because this is about self-expression. This project is about finding my voice and expressing it. That’s it. It’s about sharing MY Answers to the Ultimate Question. And it might turn out that my answers only make sense to me.
However, something inside me suggests (and hopes) that this is not the case. Because… why would I feel such a strong urge, time and time again, to share? Wouldn’t it be enough just to keep a journal? Why throw myself out there? Why? Because… maybe there’s someone else among the stars—or a few someones—who would like to hear what I have to say, and will be glad that I took the leap to speak.
And so, if you’re one of those someones, I thank you. Thank you for reading, for listening. I appreciate your taking the time to read my words, and I’m honored that you’re here.
If ever you feel inclined, please get in touch. I’d love to know who’s out there listening (even if anonymously), what resonates for you in what I’ve written, or any questions you might have.
Be well, and be your truth.
- I think this is the video that got me back on track with crochet. ↩︎
- Originally I’d written “gender-neutral” but truly, there is no neutral, only Zuul. Seriously, though, I’ve been thinking a lot about this and, for me, it’s about dispensing with the binary mindset, opting out of and thinking beyond societal expectations, associations, and confines of gender. Thinking—and being—outside the box. I’m human, full stop. ↩︎
- A wholly remarkable question from a wholly remarkable series of books that I absorbed in my teens and reference whenever I have a chance. ↩︎
- Asymptotic in the sense that we can keep getting closer and closer to the ultimate truth, but it’s just plain impossible to know everything. Somehow I latched on to the concept of the asymptote when learning analytical geometry in high school and it’s been a staple in my metaphor kit ever since ↩︎
- When I reread that last bit (and I usually reread—out loud or silently—as if I am speaking), I imagined music starting to play as if to cue me to wrap up my acceptance speech. Originally I had included the text of this footnote in the main post, but then realized that I might be the only one hearing the music or sensing the moment the way it struck me then. And, since I likely won’t catch it every time it happens, I give you the following heads up/disclaimer: My writings undoubtedly will include random interjections from my inner monologue. I’ll try to add footnotes to explain my inside jokes, but if I ever leave you hanging, just let me know! ↩︎